More about Mom

Mom loves clothes. She buys most of her clothes from QVC. Her signature look is any shirt with rhinestones or glitter on it, the shinier the better. Her pants are always the stretchy kind. I have never seen her wear pants with a button or a zipper. She likes the feel and freedom of stretchy pants, in this way she is like my dad...comfort first! Wearing these types pants can be dangerous, especially with my dad around. I have seen my mom's underwear more times than I care to remember, mostly because my dad yanks the stretchy pants when she walks by him, giving us all a little peek at her whitey-tightys, or I should say her loosey-goosey, grandma size underwear.

There was one time when we all got a full view...and it wasn't pretty! We were all over my parents house for our weekly Sunday dinner. All my brother-in-laws, Bob, Ted and Dick were sitting at the table with my sisters and my dad. My mom was standing by the table holding my son, Adam. The rest of the grand kids were running around playing. Mary Beth's son Brandon, who was 8 years old at the time, decided it would be fun to "pants" Grandma. He came up behind her and yanked her stretchy pants right down to her ankles. Mom couldn't do anything, she was just standing there shocked and helpless in her large white granny underwear. We all lost it, we were laughing hysterically, Bob was yelling "MY EYES, MY EYES". My brother-in-laws couldn't turn their heads fast enough, you could hear their hands slapping down over their eyes to block out the sight. My dad was yelling "WOOOHOOOOOO!" (of course). I was laughing so hard, it never occurred to me to take Adam from my mom until she started yelling "LORI TAKE ADAM, JESUS CHRIST DON'T JUST STAND THERE!!!" She finally pulled her pants back up, but by then damage was done. My brother-in-law Dick, couldn't take the flashbacks, he had to leave, he got up and walked home, thankfully he lives right next door.

We were just reminiscing about that night with Brandon, who is now 23 years old. His face was turning red just thinking about the memory, he's like "What was I thinking, why on earth did I do that!!" I don't know why he did it, but it was one of the funniest things ever, I am really happy he did...kinda!!!

The grand kids love to pick on my mom. The more she swears at them, the happier they are. They find all different ways to bother her. I think all the years watching my dad has rubbed off on them. Gina's son EJ, paid very close attention to dad's work. He performs the "squeeze attack" perfectly. He goes up behind my mom and hugs her until she can't breathe. He also has the "hair pull technique" down, he will give her stiff, hairsprayed hair a little yank, just enough so she starts swearing "OUCH YOU SOMMANAH..."

A few years ago my dad and the kids hatched up a perfect plan to harass my mom. Boy, did this plan backfire. We were on our annual family vacation to Lake Flower in the Adirondack Mountains. We rent the best cabins on the lake. They are not fancy by any means, but they are clean and come with a beach front where we all like to hang out. Each family has their own cabin which are nicely lined up in a row. One morning my dad went over to my sister Gina's cabin. Everyone was there enjoying Gina's coffee. The kids who ranged in ages between 8 thru 11 were just finishing up breakfast. My dad told the kids, Brandon, Colin, EJ and Brittany to run over to his cabin and jump on Grandma's bed. Afterall, the "king" was already up, she should be getting his coffee. The kids were only too happy to oblique, this was a perfect opportunity to hear some swearing. The kids run into my parents cabin and burst into my moms bedroom just as she is lifting her nightgown off over her head. There she was, standing there bare as the day she was born. The poor kids were so shocked and startled, they ran from the room and out the door screaming "EWWWWWWWWWWWWW GRANDMAS NAKED...OH MY GOD GRANDMA'S NUDE!!! We could hear them screaming outside. The kids burst into Gina's cabin yelling and laughing...they could not get the words out fast enough..."we burst in the room and she was nude...ewwwwwww!! My nephew Colin who was only 9 years old said "I'll never be the same!!" My mom came over, fully dressed "Gene you asshole, did you tell those kids to come and get me!!!" before dad could answer, mom yelled "GOOD that will teach them to come over to bother me!!!"