Enough About Ghosts, Let's Discuss Something Really Scary...

Like spending 10 days under the same roof with my mother. It wasn't planned but somehow we both ended up at my sister Cheryl's house in Minnesota at the same time. I will be honest, it wasn't easy. We had to watch Judge Judy everyday. My mom would turn into Rain Man at 3:50pm, "Ohhh 10 minutes til Judy." "Where's the clicker? Eight minutes til Judy" She would sit in "her spot", the right side of Cheryl's couch, grab her crossword fill-ins book and her pen out of the drawer, turn the tv to channel 9 and listen to Judge Judy while doing her fill-ins. Whenever Judge Judy yelled at the poor souls standing before her, my mom would say, "I love that Judy, she don't take no shit from anyone!" Ok mom, we heard you the first 17 times! If you wanted to watch Oprah or Ellen, you were banished to the upstairs tv. The upstairs tv is slightly smaller than a movie screen, the couch is only about 5 feet away from it. But that's not the worst part, the worst part the tv is not HD ready so everything is blurry. I was banished to the upstairs tv often, it was a choice between developing a migraine watching the upstairs tv or suffer through my mothers favorite shows which included reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond, Sanford and Son and Antique Roadshow. I chose to sacrifice my eyesight and develop migraines.

Living with my mom for those 10 days I realized how stubborn she is. She likes things "her way". For instance, there is a gorgeous casino about 15 minutes away from Cheryl's house. Gambling is something my mom and I have in common. We both love love love slot machines. It's my only guilty pleasure, and I happen to be very lucky at casinos (knock on wood). If I'm in a casino and I am winning, I could stay forever. I never get bored, I have a blast for myself trying all different machines. Money isn't money to me there, it's just this stuff that allows me to play more games. I admit it's a little unhealthy, but I don't do it very often so when I'm on vacation at Cheryl's house it's a special treat I allow myself. Now, mind you, my mother has been at Cheryl's for months before I got there, and has been to the casino a zillion times. So to her it's no big deal to get there. But for me, I am pumped and excited. As soon as my eyes open, I am ready to go. It's all I can do to waste time taking a shower before I can leave for the casino. So here is an example of what I went through every morning at Cheryls.

I would wake up, remember where I was and rush downstairs. My mom was already up. I would get myself a cup of coffee and say, "Mom, I am taking a shower and going to the casino." She'd look at me and say, "Well what are we going to do for dinner?" So typical of her, she's so pre-condition to make sure she has dinner on the table for my dad everyday, it's always her first thought. But absolutely not mine, so I say. "Are you kidding me, it's only 8:00 in the morning, who cares, it's casino time, I'm taking a shower, go get ready!!" I rush through my shower, I even skip a few steps like using conditioner on my hair, why waste time on that? I get out of the shower, put my lotion on, slap on some mascara, throw on the first pair of jeans I find and a red shirt (I always try to wear red to the casino, it's lucky and it wards off the evil eye you get from people when your machine is winning and theirs is not.) Scrunch the hair, spray it and done!! I grab my sneakers run downstairs, I am so excited I turn the corner and freeze. There's my lovely mother, still in her pj's and robe. "What are you doing??? Let's go, why are you still in your robe???" "Well" she says, "I had to get Cheryl her coffee, and I think we will have chicken for dinner..." I interrupt, "WHO CARES!!! I am leaving in 10 minutes, with or without you!" She starts yelling, "Lori don't rush me, damn it, I don't like to get there too early." Trying to remain calm, I start whining, "Mommmm go get readyyyy!!! Come on, I want to go, I love that casinoooo." Finally she goes upstairs, when she comes back down she's all transformed into the typical casino bound retiree. I grabbed Cheryl's BMW keys, and I am headed towards the door. She was not behind me, she was at the sink doing dishes. "MOM...lets go!!" I yell, "Hang on, I have to wash these dishes." There were only 2 coffee cups in the sink. She was stalling. I know her tactics. She has a specific time in that little brain of hers and she does not want to get to the casino a minute before her brain schedule. She was actually washing the coffee cups with Dawn, instead of just putting them in the dishwasher like normal people. Then she even dried the cups. She started wiping down the stove that no one even used yet!!! I yelled again..."I AM GOING!" She yelled back "Hang on, I need to get my gum!" She was rumaging around in the drawer, I saw her gum, it's right on top, she was moving things around like she couldn't find it, all a ploy to waste time. I grabbed a pack of her gum and handed it to her, slammed the drawer and said "Let's go!" "Fine, why are you in such a hurry to lose your money!" she said. I quickly waved my arms around to deflect her negative comment. I am very superstitious, negative words and negative energy will make you lose at the casino. "Mom don't say that!!!" I finally get her in the car and I immediately started chanting my favorite saying I use everytime I am going to a casino. "Money comes to me quickly and easily - Money comes to me quickly and easily - Money comes to me quickly and easily" "Mom say it!!" She was not a believer, and it was too many words for her to remember. So I make her repeat every word after me.

me - Money
Mom - Money
me - Comes
Mom - Comes
me - to me
Mom - to you

I burst out laughing, "Guess I will be the only one who wins today." When we reached the casino, I tried to be the good daughter and stick with my mom. But the fact is, I cannot gamble with my mother around, she is in a constant negative state. She shakes her head no every time the machine spins. "Mom why are you doing that, stop shaking your head no!!!" You are making yourself lose" She yelled at me, "Lori you are so full of shit, you're eyes are brown!" The last straw for me was when I won $40.00 on a machine, she was standing behind me preaching "Take it out, Lori, take that money out before you lose it" She loves the "lose" word. Forget it, Cheryl can be the "good daughter", I went far away from her and it was peaceful except for the chanting in my brain - money comes to me quickly and easily.

Stay tuned for more about my casino trips with mom...